1
00:00:00,445 --> 00:00:04,256
(upbeat music)

2
00:00:06,963 --> 00:00:08,962
Good morning.

3
00:00:09,082 --> 00:00:11,101
(moans)

4
00:00:11,415 --> 00:00:14,384
- Ha.
- Good morning.

5
00:00:15,811 --> 00:00:16,803
Ah.

6
00:00:16,923 --> 00:00:18,767
(groans)

7
00:00:18,887 --> 00:00:21,470
- What?
- Huh.

8
00:00:22,408 --> 00:00:24,593
Ha, that's weird.

9
00:00:24,713 --> 00:00:26,766
I can't move my arm.

10
00:00:26,886 --> 00:00:29,737
Oh... that's as far up as it'll go.

11
00:00:30,229 --> 00:00:31,632
That is weird.

12
00:00:31,752 --> 00:00:34,404
What sort of sexual wizardry
did you perform on me last night?

13
00:00:34,524 --> 00:00:39,708
If anyone was doing any wizardry,
babe, it was definitely you.

14
00:00:39,828 --> 00:00:42,439
Look at the... look at the
difference between the two.

15
00:00:42,559 --> 00:00:45,530
- All right, let me see this.
- Easy, don't...

16
00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:47,023
You would prefer me
not to break your arm?

17
00:00:47,143 --> 00:00:49,969
- I would prefer that, yes.
- All right, all right.

18
00:00:50,618 --> 00:00:52,339
- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!
- Ah, okay!

19
00:00:52,459 --> 00:00:54,317
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Ah!

20
00:00:54,437 --> 00:00:57,393
- Strange.
- So strange.

21
00:00:58,046 --> 00:01:00,087
- That's as far as it goes?
- Yeah.

22
00:01:00,207 --> 00:01:02,862
- Hmm... Does this hurt?
- Yep.

23
00:01:02,982 --> 00:01:04,432
- How 'bout this?
- Yep.

24
00:01:04,552 --> 00:01:05,082
- This?
- Yep.

25
00:01:05,202 --> 00:01:07,155
I think there's a pattern forming here.

26
00:01:07,275 --> 00:01:10,792
I'll tell you what you've got here.
Adhesive capsulitis.

27
00:01:10,912 --> 00:01:11,694
That doesn't sound good.

28
00:01:11,814 --> 00:01:14,241
They also call it
"40-year-old shoulder."

29
00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:15,352
"40-year-old shoulder"?

30
00:01:15,472 --> 00:01:17,485
Happens to some people
around the age of 40.

31
00:01:17,605 --> 00:01:19,275
Ligaments tighten up for no reason.

32
00:01:19,395 --> 00:01:21,331
It works itself out
in about a week or so.

33
00:01:21,451 --> 00:01:23,386
Just won't be able to raise
your arm above a "heil."

34
00:01:23,506 --> 00:01:26,257
That's... inconvenient.

35
00:01:26,377 --> 00:01:27,760
They have no idea what causes it, or...

36
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,603
Sure they do: Age.

37
00:01:29,723 --> 00:01:32,056
Just the kind of thing that
starts happening in your 40s.

38
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,131
You know, you're losing
your reproductive function,

39
00:01:34,251 --> 00:01:37,059
so nature deems you unnecessary
and therefore ready for decay.

40
00:01:37,179 --> 00:01:40,887
Bone density goes. Your elasticity
goes. Your eyesight goes.

41
00:01:41,007 --> 00:01:43,708
With women, there's often
a thinning of the walls of the...

42
00:01:43,828 --> 00:01:45,335
Uh, let's just stick
to the shoulder, okay?

43
00:01:45,455 --> 00:01:46,643
Well, that'll be fine.

44
00:01:46,763 --> 00:01:48,436
Just might want to start
taking some Calcium.

45
00:01:48,556 --> 00:01:49,946
It's always good to get a head start.

46
00:01:49,948 --> 00:01:52,415
- (forced laugh)
- Calcium.

47
00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:58,114
- I'm sorry you had to hear all that.
- Oh, it's okay.

48
00:01:58,448 --> 00:02:00,944
Uh, we better get busy, though,

49
00:02:01,064 --> 00:02:02,589
before you fall apart.

50
00:02:02,709 --> 00:02:04,179
(laughs)

51
00:02:04,299 --> 00:02:07,164
(laid-back groove music)

52
00:02:07,284 --> 00:02:11,418
Synced and corrected by johnyd13
www.addic7ed.com

53
00:02:11,973 --> 00:02:14,213
- There's no book?
- There is no book.

54
00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:17,139
There never was a book.
There will never be a book.

55
00:02:17,259 --> 00:02:20,305
- We are totally screwed.
- I can't believe Jade just blew through

56
00:02:20,425 --> 00:02:23,067
her entire advance like
that and live-tweeted it.

57
00:02:23,187 --> 00:02:24,789
Well, she didn't blow
through the entire advance.

58
00:02:24,909 --> 00:02:26,255
I mean, there's still $1,200 left.

59
00:02:26,375 --> 00:02:28,238
Ugh, what are we gonna do?

60
00:02:28,358 --> 00:02:29,990
I'm gonna lay low for morning meeting.

61
00:02:30,110 --> 00:02:32,320
Okay? Wait for lunch.
We'll talk about it.

62
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:35,378
In the meantime, not a
word to Charles or Diana.

63
00:02:35,498 --> 00:02:36,838
- Okay?
- Okay.

64
00:02:36,958 --> 00:02:38,737
(sighs)

65
00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,203
You wanted to see me?

66
00:02:45,323 --> 00:02:47,534
I just got off the phone
with Hugh Shirley's agent.

67
00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:51,022
He wanted me to know,
before Hugh's pitch today,

68
00:02:51,142 --> 00:02:54,028
Achilles just made a pre-emptive
offer on "The Male Feminist."

69
00:02:54,148 --> 00:02:56,359
Oh, for God's sake. What,
they kill all the bookstores,

70
00:02:56,479 --> 00:02:57,852
and now they have to come
after the authors too?

71
00:02:57,972 --> 00:03:01,207
But Hugh would rather not go to Achilles.

72
00:03:01,568 --> 00:03:02,865
Really?

73
00:03:03,109 --> 00:03:05,356
Authors are starting to hate
them too. There's a backlash.

74
00:03:05,476 --> 00:03:07,781
That's why the agent was
giving me the head's up.

75
00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:11,362
I think we still have a great
chance to land this today.

76
00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:13,482
Oh, no, we must. I
mean, this could be huge.

77
00:03:13,602 --> 00:03:16,683
- It's totally in the zeitgeist.
- Couldn't agree more.

78
00:03:16,803 --> 00:03:18,480
I want you to take the lead on this.

79
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,415
I need you on your game today.

80
00:03:22,118 --> 00:03:24,354
I will be gamier than ever.

81
00:03:26,678 --> 00:03:28,758
I was... I'll be in my office.

82
00:03:28,878 --> 00:03:32,368
(rock music)

83
00:03:32,654 --> 00:03:34,246
Liza.

84
00:03:34,543 --> 00:03:36,672
Do I have everything
there is on Hugh Shirley?

85
00:03:36,792 --> 00:03:39,125
Uh, actually, I just pulled
up one of his lectures.

86
00:03:39,245 --> 00:03:41,598
It's called "Crushing The
Patriarchy From Within."

87
00:03:41,718 --> 00:03:43,512
I cued it up for you.

88
00:03:44,117 --> 00:03:46,215
<i>I'm wearing a bosom. Why?</i>

89
00:03:46,553 --> 00:03:48,599
Because while a man can never truly know

90
00:03:48,719 --> 00:03:50,136
what it's like to be a woman,

91
00:03:50,256 --> 00:03:53,456
it doesn't mean he can't try.

92
00:03:54,201 --> 00:03:56,058
(baby crying)

93
00:03:56,178 --> 00:03:57,608
And...

94
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:04,066
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have never felt more beautiful.

95
00:04:04,186 --> 00:04:05,920
Oh, good Lord, what a...

96
00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:09,253
powerful, powerful message...

97
00:04:09,373 --> 00:04:12,812
A message that, if I have my way,
will be heard by every man, woman,

98
00:04:12,932 --> 00:04:15,208
and post-pubescent child in this country.

99
00:04:15,328 --> 00:04:16,582
I am not going to sell this as a book.

100
00:04:16,702 --> 00:04:19,798
No, I'm going to sell this as an anthem,

101
00:04:20,079 --> 00:04:22,418
a call to action for a new generation.

102
00:04:22,538 --> 00:04:23,851
In my mind, "The Male Feminist"

103
00:04:23,971 --> 00:04:26,346
is "The Feminine Mystique"
for the 21st century.

104
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:28,699
And in Empirical's hands,

105
00:04:28,934 --> 00:04:31,743
you'll be nothing less
than the new Betty Friedan.

106
00:04:31,863 --> 00:04:33,464
(gasps)

107
00:04:34,354 --> 00:04:36,050
And she would be my point person?

108
00:04:36,170 --> 00:04:37,583
She would.

109
00:04:37,703 --> 00:04:39,389
Then I'm interested.

110
00:04:39,509 --> 00:04:41,183
On one condition:

111
00:04:41,303 --> 00:04:42,487
That we make a deal and then

112
00:04:42,607 --> 00:04:45,698
you pay me 77 cents on
the dollar for that deal.

113
00:04:45,818 --> 00:04:46,909
I want to be paid like a woman,

114
00:04:47,029 --> 00:04:48,688
and I want that to be part of the campaign.

115
00:04:48,808 --> 00:04:50,749
That is brilliant.

116
00:04:50,869 --> 00:04:52,880
I think we can arrange that.

117
00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,450
Then let's make a book.

118
00:04:54,570 --> 00:04:57,453
(applause)

119
00:04:58,974 --> 00:05:01,567
Liza? Uh, where are we
on the Jade Winslow book?

120
00:05:01,687 --> 00:05:04,421
- Are we on track?
- Yeah, uh...

121
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,227
Yea... absolutely.

122
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,080
Didn't she promise us
a first chapter by now?

123
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,264
Yes. Yes, she did.

124
00:05:10,384 --> 00:05:12,675
- And?
- And... it...

125
00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,937
is so good.

126
00:05:16,057 --> 00:05:19,303
- Uh, great. When can I read it?
- Uh, well, um,

127
00:05:19,547 --> 00:05:22,777
Kelsey's just going over
it with a fine-toothed comb.

128
00:05:22,897 --> 00:05:25,600
- You know how dedicated she is.
- Yeah.

129
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,712
I'd like to read it tomorrow.

130
00:05:27,832 --> 00:05:29,755
I will tell her that.

131
00:05:30,302 --> 00:05:32,020
Great.

132
00:05:32,823 --> 00:05:34,255
Tomorrow?

133
00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:36,292
- Why would you tell him that?
- He had me cornered.

134
00:05:36,412 --> 00:05:38,563
- What could I say?
- Anything but that!

135
00:05:38,683 --> 00:05:40,631
You can't promise pages that we don't have.

136
00:05:40,751 --> 00:05:42,380
I know. I just... I panicked.

137
00:05:42,500 --> 00:05:44,934
Oh, God.

138
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:49,062
I guess it's time to tell
Charles. Mm. So long, Millennial.

139
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,887
It was fun while it lasted.

140
00:05:53,557 --> 00:05:55,735
Oh, God. Just what I need.

141
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,768
- Who's that?
- Brad Westlake.

142
00:05:57,888 --> 00:05:59,647
He's such a dick.

143
00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:03,185
We interned together. He
was so far up everyone's ass,

144
00:06:03,305 --> 00:06:06,689
they called him "The Butt Plug."
Now he's at Achilles, obviously.

145
00:06:06,809 --> 00:06:10,159
Kelsey Peters. Gorgeous as ever.

146
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:12,682
Brad Westlake. It's good to see you.

147
00:06:12,802 --> 00:06:14,413
This is Liza Miller, my associate.

148
00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:16,414
Hi, it's nice to... ow! I'm sorry.

149
00:06:16,534 --> 00:06:19,750
I fell off the elliptical this
morning, and I sprained my arm.

150
00:06:19,870 --> 00:06:22,099
What? I didn't know that.

151
00:06:22,373 --> 00:06:23,137
Oh, it's nothing.

152
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,424
Congrats on, uh,
getting your own imprint.

153
00:06:25,544 --> 00:06:28,346
Congratulations on being at Achilles.

154
00:06:28,466 --> 00:06:30,549
- You're a-killin' it.
- Yeah...

155
00:06:30,669 --> 00:06:32,683
In fact, you guys are killin' all of us.

156
00:06:32,803 --> 00:06:35,516
Amazingly, people are
actually boycotting us.

157
00:06:35,636 --> 00:06:38,369
Let's face it. I mean,
it's never gonna last.

158
00:06:38,389 --> 00:06:39,904
In the end, money...

159
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:41,537
always wins, right?

160
00:06:41,657 --> 00:06:45,728
So give me a call when you're
ready to play with the big dogs.

161
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:48,946
"Money always wins"?

162
00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:50,336
Who actually says that?

163
00:06:50,456 --> 00:06:52,385
Speaking of money,

164
00:06:52,505 --> 00:06:54,672
Jade just blew her last $1,200.

165
00:06:54,792 --> 00:06:56,730
Oh, God. On what?

166
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,591
A diamond pacifier.

167
00:06:58,711 --> 00:07:02,273
Official time of death, 1:26 p.m.

168
00:07:02,793 --> 00:07:05,166
Wait a minute. Let me see that.

169
00:07:05,576 --> 00:07:07,166
All we need is one chapter, right?

170
00:07:07,286 --> 00:07:08,827
Yeah.

171
00:07:09,130 --> 00:07:12,637
- Well, you're looking at it.
- What?

172
00:07:12,757 --> 00:07:15,763
She basically posts every
moment of her life online.

173
00:07:15,883 --> 00:07:17,508
It's like she's been
writing her autobiography.

174
00:07:17,628 --> 00:07:21,445
- 140 characters at a time.
- That's true.

175
00:07:21,565 --> 00:07:24,464
We already own all of her social media.

176
00:07:24,698 --> 00:07:26,752
I just need to add a little narrative,

177
00:07:26,872 --> 00:07:30,407
come up with some imaginative profanity.

178
00:07:30,527 --> 00:07:32,790
- I could do that in a night.
- That's one chapter.

179
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:35,336
How are you gonna write
the rest of the book?

180
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:37,196
I may not have to.

181
00:07:42,918 --> 00:07:45,163
_

182
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:48,786
_

183
00:07:50,543 --> 00:07:52,828
_

184
00:07:53,838 --> 00:07:55,719
_

185
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:02,261
_

186
00:08:02,856 --> 00:08:04,845
_

187
00:08:04,965 --> 00:08:06,899
_

188
00:08:07,250 --> 00:08:11,586
(fast-paced electronic music)

189
00:08:13,992 --> 00:08:17,742
_

190
00:08:22,978 --> 00:08:26,308
(blowtorch firing loudly)

191
00:08:29,392 --> 00:08:30,907
I loved you in "Flashdance."

192
00:08:31,027 --> 00:08:33,155
Oh. Thank you.

193
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:35,060
Wow.

194
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:36,996
Look at that.

195
00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,532
Yeah, she's inspired by
a Hindu warrior goddess.

196
00:08:39,652 --> 00:08:41,784
She represents
fearlessness and patience.

197
00:08:41,904 --> 00:08:44,537
Ugh, it's amazing, isn't it?

198
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:46,585
I mean, look at her.
She could stab a guy

199
00:08:46,705 --> 00:08:48,292
and give nine handies at the same time.

200
00:08:48,412 --> 00:08:50,271
- That's one perspective.
- Oh, my God.

201
00:08:50,391 --> 00:08:52,467
You know who would love
this? Hector and Dorff.

202
00:08:52,587 --> 00:08:54,192
They could install this
in their flagship store.

203
00:08:54,312 --> 00:08:56,731
It's opening in a couple days.
Do you mind if I show it to them?

204
00:08:56,851 --> 00:08:58,360
Knock yourself out.

205
00:08:58,480 --> 00:09:00,421
Ah, it's perfect.

206
00:09:00,949 --> 00:09:02,608
Thank you.

207
00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,675
Oh, Lauren, we're still
on for later, right?

208
00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:07,110
Absolutely. You're in my squad, girl.

209
00:09:07,315 --> 00:09:09,930
- What's that about?
- I need her devious mind.

210
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:12,273
Well, take it. I need
the devious rest of her.

211
00:09:12,393 --> 00:09:14,063
Is she living here now?

212
00:09:14,183 --> 00:09:15,701
Eh, you know what they say.

213
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,421
What does a lesbian bring to a second date?

214
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:20,491
A U-Haul.

215
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:23,494
<i>(energetic music)</i>

216
00:09:26,279 --> 00:09:28,085
<i>Well, obviously we'll book
you on all the big shows,</i>

217
00:09:28,205 --> 00:09:29,533
but I'd like to do a few events

218
00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,285
at the 92nd Street Y where you square off

219
00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:33,287
with some of the country's top misogynists.

220
00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:35,663
You know, like Jon Stewart
did with Bill O'Reilly.

221
00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,458
Actually, Bill O'Reilly
might work for this.

222
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,803
- Maybe Donald Trump.
- I'd love that.

223
00:09:39,923 --> 00:09:41,511
Also, I'd love to do a reading

224
00:09:41,631 --> 00:09:43,681
solely for influential architects.

225
00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:46,747
I mean, I look around the cities,
and all I see are penises.

226
00:09:46,867 --> 00:09:48,905
Empire State Building.
the Seattle Space Needle.

227
00:09:49,025 --> 00:09:50,737
The Washington Monument
might as well have

228
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:52,029
semen coming out of it.

229
00:09:52,149 --> 00:09:53,774
Where's the monument
for Eleanor Roosevelt

230
00:09:53,776 --> 00:09:55,315
that's shaped like a vulva?

231
00:09:55,435 --> 00:09:57,611
I want to speak to
those people directly.

232
00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:59,730
Consider it done.

233
00:10:01,597 --> 00:10:04,617
Can I just say how happy I am
I made the choice I made?

234
00:10:04,737 --> 00:10:06,201
I'm really impressed with you.

235
00:10:06,321 --> 00:10:08,289
I can assure you you are
in far better hands here

236
00:10:08,409 --> 00:10:10,110
than you would've ever been at Achilles.

237
00:10:10,230 --> 00:10:12,209
Oh, please. I never
would have gone there.

238
00:10:12,329 --> 00:10:14,578
Do you know they don't even
cover on-site mammograms?

239
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,180
Ah. Listen. I'm sorry.
I really have to cut this short,

240
00:10:17,300 --> 00:10:18,966
because I'm lecturing
at Barnard tomorrow,

241
00:10:19,086 --> 00:10:22,051
but I'd love to tell those students
a bit about the book.

242
00:10:22,171 --> 00:10:24,804
Is there any chance we could finish this
tonight over dinner?

243
00:10:24,924 --> 00:10:27,369
Your wish is my command.

244
00:10:28,102 --> 00:10:29,597
Wait.

245
00:10:29,717 --> 00:10:31,895
I didn't just make you
feel dominated, did I?

246
00:10:32,302 --> 00:10:34,280
No, no. Just an expression.

247
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,652
(new-wave music)

248
00:10:36,772 --> 00:10:37,900
Ow.

249
00:10:38,020 --> 00:10:39,402
- What wrong with you?
- What?

250
00:10:39,522 --> 00:10:40,851
Oh, uh, nothing.

251
00:10:40,971 --> 00:10:43,907
I'm just having a little
trouble with my arm.

252
00:10:44,027 --> 00:10:45,408
- Ow!
- Oh!

253
00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:47,695
You have 40-year-old shoulder.

254
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,676
No, no. No, I don't.

255
00:10:49,796 --> 00:10:52,366
- Ow! Stop that.
- That 40-year-old shoulder.

256
00:10:52,486 --> 00:10:55,492
No, stop saying that. I do
not have 40-year-old shoulder.

257
00:10:55,612 --> 00:10:58,676
- I'm not even 30.
- 30?

258
00:10:59,508 --> 00:11:01,150
Who you kidding?

259
00:11:01,270 --> 00:11:03,343
- Excuse me.
- Hey. Come here.

260
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:04,742
Just...

261
00:11:06,788 --> 00:11:08,182
So?

262
00:11:09,635 --> 00:11:11,234
- It's amazing.
- So hot.

263
00:11:11,354 --> 00:11:12,423
- Really?
- You nailed it.

264
00:11:12,543 --> 00:11:15,689
You got such great stuff.
The Marie Claire enema retreat?

265
00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,940
Ugh, I knew they had more than
just a stick up their butt.

266
00:11:18,060 --> 00:11:19,742
You got this all off her social media?

267
00:11:19,862 --> 00:11:22,493
Yeah, I mean, it took
some digging, but I did it.

268
00:11:22,613 --> 00:11:24,953
I had to condense a couple
of things for time's sake.

269
00:11:25,073 --> 00:11:26,782
- That's okay, right?
- Yeah.

270
00:11:26,902 --> 00:11:30,830
Liza, you don't always have to
be such a stickler for the truth.

271
00:11:30,950 --> 00:11:33,162
So you think it's leakable?

272
00:11:33,282 --> 00:11:35,206
Yes, yes, I'll float it
to my friend at "The Cut."

273
00:11:35,326 --> 00:11:38,127
She will never know it came
from you, okay? I promise.

274
00:11:38,247 --> 00:11:40,080
She will eat this alive.

275
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,871
Her chapter was leaked on a fashion blog?

276
00:11:42,991 --> 00:11:45,801
- How did this happen?
- She obviously leaked her own book.

277
00:11:45,921 --> 00:11:48,055
That is so Jade.

278
00:11:48,288 --> 00:11:50,424
Writing's very choppy.

279
00:11:50,690 --> 00:11:52,873
Well, uh, she does have her own voice.

280
00:11:53,097 --> 00:11:55,512
Syntax is clunky at best.

281
00:11:55,729 --> 00:11:58,481
- Again, her voice.
- I don't want any more material leaked.

282
00:11:58,601 --> 00:12:01,255
One chapter whips up interest.

283
00:12:01,538 --> 00:12:03,663
- Any more than that's too much.
- Oh...

284
00:12:03,783 --> 00:12:07,273
you won't have to worry
about that. I promise.

285
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:09,072
Thank you.

286
00:12:09,807 --> 00:12:11,721
Okay. You're up.

287
00:12:12,053 --> 00:12:13,655
(sighs)

288
00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,082
Brad Westlake.

289
00:12:16,202 --> 00:12:17,835
It's Kelsey Peters.

290
00:12:17,955 --> 00:12:21,163
How would you like to have a drink with me?

291
00:12:21,439 --> 00:12:24,177
(jazz music)

292
00:12:24,297 --> 00:12:26,846
And another thing. Why do we have urinals?

293
00:12:27,078 --> 00:12:30,054
I mean, just because
men can pee standing up

294
00:12:30,174 --> 00:12:32,196
doesn't mean that it should be encouraged.

295
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:34,209
I mean, it simply reinforces the idea

296
00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:36,389
that men are superior to women.

297
00:12:36,509 --> 00:12:37,606
- Right.
- No, literally.

298
00:12:37,726 --> 00:12:41,895
One who pees standing up is
above those who pee sitting down.

299
00:12:42,015 --> 00:12:45,304
And urinals are the last vestige
of a violent power structure.

300
00:12:45,424 --> 00:12:48,113
You make an excellent point.
Can I have some more wine?

301
00:12:48,233 --> 00:12:49,785
And when did we decide

302
00:12:49,905 --> 00:12:52,282
that menstruation is so disgusting?

303
00:12:52,402 --> 00:12:54,048
I mean, in other cultures, it's considered

304
00:12:54,168 --> 00:12:55,913
this wonderful gift from the heavens

305
00:12:56,033 --> 00:12:58,527
that should be celebrated openly.

306
00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:01,846
But no, no, no. The male Western patriarchy

307
00:13:01,966 --> 00:13:04,646
came in and some point just
decided that it should be shameful

308
00:13:04,766 --> 00:13:06,945
and that women should hide it from men.

309
00:13:07,065 --> 00:13:08,286
I mean, God forbid a tampon

310
00:13:08,406 --> 00:13:11,507
gets left unflushed in a toilet somewhere.

311
00:13:11,627 --> 00:13:13,743
It becomes a total cause celebre.

312
00:13:13,863 --> 00:13:16,980
Never looked at it like that.

313
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,683
Did you know

314
00:13:18,803 --> 00:13:20,353
that I wore a tampon

315
00:13:20,473 --> 00:13:22,836
for an entire day last week

316
00:13:22,956 --> 00:13:25,620
just to know what it felt like?

317
00:13:25,740 --> 00:13:27,322
Why, that is...

318
00:13:27,442 --> 00:13:29,066
so revolting.

319
00:13:29,186 --> 00:13:30,789
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

320
00:13:30,909 --> 00:13:32,754
I appreciate your intentions,

321
00:13:32,874 --> 00:13:34,958
I really do, and I am going to ensure

322
00:13:35,078 --> 00:13:36,786
that your book is a mammoth success,

323
00:13:36,906 --> 00:13:39,155
but try as you may, you can never know

324
00:13:39,275 --> 00:13:40,870
what it is like to be a woman.

325
00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:42,622
You can wear as many tampons

326
00:13:42,624 --> 00:13:45,726
or bosoms as you like, but you will
never understand what we go through.

327
00:13:45,846 --> 00:13:49,420
I am sorry. It is true. May
I please get some more wine?

328
00:13:49,540 --> 00:13:50,797
You're absolutely right.

329
00:13:50,917 --> 00:13:53,516
It's the greatest frustration of my life.

330
00:13:53,636 --> 00:13:55,218
(sighs)

331
00:13:55,495 --> 00:13:58,231
I'm sorry... it's just such a catch-22.

332
00:13:58,351 --> 00:13:59,973
Men can't be women, and yet

333
00:14:00,093 --> 00:14:02,888
we can't help feminism from the outside.

334
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:05,787
We just need to find a
way to get inside women.

335
00:14:05,907 --> 00:14:09,983
I mean, that's all I want to do
with the book. Get inside women.

336
00:14:10,802 --> 00:14:13,403
I just want to be...

337
00:14:13,723 --> 00:14:15,724
inside... you.

338
00:14:17,133 --> 00:14:20,980
(fast dance music)

339
00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:27,974
- Let's get a taxi.
- Yes. Okay. I agree.

340
00:14:28,094 --> 00:14:29,634
Taxi! Taxi!

341
00:14:29,754 --> 00:14:31,170
Okay.

342
00:14:33,126 --> 00:14:34,627
- What are you doing?
- You've been drinking.

343
00:14:34,747 --> 00:14:36,224
I want to make sure you really want this.

344
00:14:36,344 --> 00:14:38,845
- I... I want this.
- You say that now, but who knows

345
00:14:38,965 --> 00:14:40,157
how you're gonna feel tomorrow.

346
00:14:40,277 --> 00:14:42,982
This is too special a connection
to ruin with a one-night stand.

347
00:14:43,102 --> 00:14:45,601
- Let's roll the dice.
- No... no!

348
00:14:45,721 --> 00:14:47,333
I'll call you tomorrow,

349
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:49,702
and when I say that, I mean it.

350
00:14:49,822 --> 00:14:52,437
Get her home safe, okay? Not
that she isn't perfectly capable

351
00:14:52,557 --> 00:14:54,959
of getting home without a man's help.

352
00:14:55,398 --> 00:14:59,573
(funky rock music)

353
00:15:03,199 --> 00:15:05,338
So what are we drinking to?

354
00:15:05,458 --> 00:15:08,184
It was just so great to
see you the other day.

355
00:15:08,304 --> 00:15:10,208
I thought we should
celebrate our successes.

356
00:15:10,328 --> 00:15:12,565
You're kicking ass. I'm kicking ass.

357
00:15:12,685 --> 00:15:14,058
We're both kicking ass.

358
00:15:14,178 --> 00:15:17,139
- To kicking ass.
- To kicking ass.

359
00:15:17,471 --> 00:15:19,052
- I needed this.
- Yeah.

360
00:15:19,172 --> 00:15:22,271
Things have been so crazy with
the Winslow chapter leaking.

361
00:15:22,391 --> 00:15:25,259
I mean, publishing houses have
been calling all day with offers.

362
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:26,392
- Really?
- Yeah.

363
00:15:26,512 --> 00:15:29,963
Charles was so pissed about the
leak. I mean, it took everything I had

364
00:15:30,083 --> 00:15:31,781
to keep him from selling it.

365
00:15:31,901 --> 00:15:34,666
I finally made him realize,
you know, leaks are good.

366
00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:38,989
They get everyone talking.
This book is going to be

367
00:15:39,109 --> 00:15:41,056
even bigger for Millennial than I thought.

368
00:15:41,176 --> 00:15:43,868
- So Charles wanted to sell?
- Yeah.

369
00:15:43,988 --> 00:15:46,026
But I talked him out of it.

370
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:48,609
Besides, none of those
offers were anywhere near

371
00:15:48,729 --> 00:15:49,996
what I would let it go for.

372
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,134
Well, how much would you let it go for?

373
00:15:53,254 --> 00:15:55,972
Brad! No shop talk.

374
00:15:56,092 --> 00:15:58,481
How much would you take?

375
00:15:58,989 --> 00:16:02,454
- I don't think you could afford it.
- Oh, try me.

376
00:16:04,165 --> 00:16:08,387
Okay, look. The truth is,
these agent and author boycotts,

377
00:16:08,507 --> 00:16:09,565
they've been hitting me pretty hard.

378
00:16:09,685 --> 00:16:12,759
I actually haven't
acquired anything in months.

379
00:16:12,879 --> 00:16:14,921
This would be a huge get for me.

380
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:19,294
Now, how much would you take
to get it off your hands?

381
00:16:19,414 --> 00:16:20,530
(sighs)

382
00:16:20,650 --> 00:16:22,782
I don't know, um...

383
00:16:23,143 --> 00:16:24,450
maybe...

384
00:16:24,820 --> 00:16:27,286
- double our advance?
- Done.

385
00:16:27,406 --> 00:16:28,955
You don't need to check
with your boss first?

386
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:31,090
No, I have that authority right now.

387
00:16:31,210 --> 00:16:32,875
Well, I don't.

388
00:16:33,221 --> 00:16:34,998
Give me a sec.

389
00:16:35,118 --> 00:16:36,472
(dance music)

390
00:16:36,592 --> 00:16:39,636
_

391
00:16:45,987 --> 00:16:47,195
You're a genius!

392
00:16:47,315 --> 00:16:49,622
Yeah, well, you really
manipulated The Butt Plug.

393
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:52,355
- Damn right I did.
- So let me just clarify a few things.

394
00:16:52,475 --> 00:16:55,314
Before the Achilles lawyer calls me in, uh,

395
00:16:55,434 --> 00:16:57,817
oh, I'd say about ten minutes.

396
00:16:57,937 --> 00:17:00,153
We never got any pages from Jade Winslow.

397
00:17:00,273 --> 00:17:01,336
Liza wrote the chapter,

398
00:17:01,456 --> 00:17:03,475
which you then had
someone leak to "The Cut,"

399
00:17:03,595 --> 00:17:05,918
which somehow helped convince Achilles

400
00:17:06,038 --> 00:17:08,711
it was worth double what you paid for it?

401
00:17:08,831 --> 00:17:10,900
Is that the, uh, gist of things?

402
00:17:11,020 --> 00:17:12,971
Yeah. Pretty much.

403
00:17:13,313 --> 00:17:14,554
But everything in that chapter was culled

404
00:17:14,674 --> 00:17:16,625
from intellectual
property of Jade Winslow's

405
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:18,754
that we already own, so in essence,

406
00:17:18,874 --> 00:17:22,035
in a completely unorthodox...

407
00:17:22,318 --> 00:17:25,527
yet totally legal way, we have
successfully fleeced Achilles

408
00:17:25,647 --> 00:17:28,834
out of $500,000?

409
00:17:29,040 --> 00:17:30,715
Yep. Pretty much.

410
00:17:30,835 --> 00:17:32,810
Well, not that I'm giving my blessing,

411
00:17:32,930 --> 00:17:36,123
because this is not how we
do business around here...

412
00:17:37,031 --> 00:17:40,742
But I guess we can chalk it
up to a learning experience

413
00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:44,236
with some enjoyable fringe benefits.

414
00:17:44,626 --> 00:17:46,866
You dodged a bullet this time.

415
00:17:46,986 --> 00:17:50,169
And, um, you got a lot of money now.

416
00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,455
Spend it wisely.

417
00:17:52,575 --> 00:17:54,400
We will.

418
00:17:56,550 --> 00:17:57,946
(sighs)

419
00:17:58,591 --> 00:17:59,879
Ha, ha.

420
00:17:59,999 --> 00:18:01,514
(laughing)

421
00:18:01,634 --> 00:18:03,163
(phone dings)

422
00:18:03,673 --> 00:18:05,996
_

423
00:18:06,458 --> 00:18:08,020
This should be fun.

424
00:18:08,561 --> 00:18:10,709
Uh-huh.

425
00:18:12,313 --> 00:18:14,075
- Hello?
- Hey, Jade.

426
00:18:14,195 --> 00:18:17,613
- It's Kelsey and Liza.
- Hi, Jade.

427
00:18:17,953 --> 00:18:19,876
You know what? Don't
"Hi, Jade" me, all right?

428
00:18:19,996 --> 00:18:22,167
What is this shit on "The
Cut" about you selling my book?

429
00:18:22,287 --> 00:18:25,079
It's true; you are
working for Achilles now.

430
00:18:25,299 --> 00:18:27,683
Wait, are you kidding? No, I don't
want my book at Achilles, all right?

431
00:18:27,803 --> 00:18:30,132
I refuse to have my book at Achilles.

432
00:18:30,252 --> 00:18:33,746
Aren't you forgetting
one tiny little detail?

433
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:37,182
- What's that?
- Bitch, there is no book!

434
00:18:37,302 --> 00:18:39,063
Bye!

435
00:18:42,007 --> 00:18:43,005
What?

436
00:18:43,125 --> 00:18:44,734
Ha ha!

437
00:18:45,115 --> 00:18:46,375
Ow!

438
00:18:47,033 --> 00:18:50,307
(upbeat music)

439
00:18:50,427 --> 00:18:53,982
See? I knew Hector and Dorff
would love the sculpture.

440
00:18:54,344 --> 00:18:56,101
I told 'em we'd stop by before the opening.

441
00:18:56,221 --> 00:18:57,937
I can't wait to see where
they have it on display.

442
00:18:58,057 --> 00:18:59,343
Yeah.

443
00:19:04,337 --> 00:19:05,465
Oh, my God.

444
00:19:05,585 --> 00:19:08,753
Maggie, I am so sorry. I had no idea.

445
00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:12,579
Hey!

446
00:19:12,901 --> 00:19:15,608
Hello! Hey, look. It
looks amazing, doesn't it?

447
00:19:15,728 --> 00:19:17,581
So spiritual.

448
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:19,479
Spiritual? You're hanging clothes from it.

449
00:19:19,599 --> 00:19:21,725
Clothes? No. This is outerwear.

450
00:19:21,845 --> 00:19:23,818
Every piece? Work of art.

451
00:19:23,938 --> 00:19:27,056
Yes, and Maggie's sculpture
is also a work of art.

452
00:19:27,176 --> 00:19:29,739
Are you saying her art
is more art than our art?

453
00:19:29,859 --> 00:19:32,409
As long as the check clears, I'm good.

454
00:19:32,529 --> 00:19:35,578
- Yes? Okay, look.
- We want two more. Okay?

455
00:19:35,698 --> 00:19:37,664
- As soon as possible.
- Done.

456
00:19:37,784 --> 00:19:39,215
But what about your Hindu goddess?

457
00:19:39,335 --> 00:19:42,232
I have to say, she looks
pretty damn good in cashmere.

458
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:44,254
♪ Is it too much to ask ♪

459
00:19:44,374 --> 00:19:46,257
♪ For a little distraction ♪

460
00:19:46,377 --> 00:19:48,490
(knocking on door)

461
00:19:48,891 --> 00:19:51,963
- Hey, baby.
- Hello.

462
00:19:55,306 --> 00:19:58,849
- Let me help you with your coat.
- Oh, thank you. I could use it.

463
00:20:00,023 --> 00:20:02,723
- How was your day?
- It was a good day.

464
00:20:02,843 --> 00:20:05,492
Except for this damn shoulder.

465
00:20:05,612 --> 00:20:09,034
Well, you know, I did a little research.

466
00:20:09,154 --> 00:20:13,405
Turns out, you know what the
cure for 40-year-old shoulder is?

467
00:20:13,525 --> 00:20:16,737
- What? -
26-year-old massage.

468
00:20:16,857 --> 00:20:17,958
Ooh. Ooh!

469
00:20:18,078 --> 00:20:19,403
(laughs)

470
00:20:20,106 --> 00:20:23,960
♪ I'll chew you up and
spit you out again ♪

471
00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:26,630
♪ No, I can't love you ♪

472
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:29,167
♪ Like a gentleman ♪